david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
