Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
