Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
