Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
