Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
