The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
