Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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