My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Randomize
