you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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