We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
even my farts smell like vagina
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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