Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
