please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
