It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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