I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
