Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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