i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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