Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
