so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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