fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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