"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
