2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
