Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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