I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
