On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
