I could have mohawked her pubes.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
