Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
