I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
