I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
