I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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