The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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