Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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