I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
