OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
