I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Randomize
