What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
