You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
