i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
