John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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