So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
