Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Don't tell me you're on acid again
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
