I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I have aggressive nipples.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
