I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
