you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
