there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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