I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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