After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
