I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
