so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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