Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Randomize
