They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
My breath smells like gin and sadness
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
