come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
