Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
