I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
