Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
