wakey wakey hands off snakey
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
