Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
